laugh2A Glossary of Brand – A light-hearted look at brand creation

Brandiose – A glaringly obvious overestimation of a brand’s unimportance in the world. Also referred to as Delusions of Brandeur

Brandwidth – The maximum amount of potential the brand can reach. Mathematically equivalent to the number of Facebook “likes” a brand’s page may garner.

Brandpa – A grand old brand, ie. Royal Mail, Jim Beam, the Jesus fish symbol

Jumping on The Brandwagon – Following trend pioneered first by another brand in a manner that provokes blog commenters to cry “rip-off”.

The 10 Commandments – Thou shall not make the logo bigger. Repeat 9 times.

Brandwich – Many brands crammed together garishly in a miniscule space.

Brandshell – The core idea of a brand preceeding any real strategic, emotional, intellectual or tangible investment. More commonly referred to as idea shell or inane rambling.

Brandsaw – The action undertaken by a client, to severely cut back on a carefully strategized brand rollout in the interest of cost savings. As in “She’s pulling out the brandsaw, get the bucket.”

Brandsome – A truly magnificent specimen of a brand, with unparalleled attention to the Four C’s of branding. Concept, counterform, contrast and kerning.

Brandicapped – A brand that has the courage to soldier on for decades despite its crippling issues. Relevant cases: MySpace, AmericaOnLine

“Brand Spanking New” – Innovative fetish brands.

Raisin Brand – A flaky, corn-based brand, promoted principally via a single distinguishing feature of dubious uniqueness or value.

brand_smlAmerperbrand – Any brand that conjoins with one or more additional brands without any effort to clarify or minimalize its name. As with PriceWaterhouse CoopersDraperPrice

Brandellabra – An archaic brand with a multi-pronged strategic approach and tendancy to fizzle out over time.

The Promised Brand – Heaven for creative; The place where all free thinkers aspire to be, and spend their entire careers. Also commonly referred to as someone else’s blog.

B-Rand – Secton-rate or derivative branding tat looks uncomfortably similar to the work of Paul Rand

Russell Brand – This dude’s funny. Check him out.

Brandgelina – The merger of two brands of incredibly strong genes, ie. Disney/Pixar, William/Kate

Brandiloquence – Pompous and overwritten copy in service of a brand that is in fact paltry or embarrassing. “Experience the pinnacle of luxurious luxury in our mouth-wateringly succulent Baconator.

Sub Brand – Subway, Mr. Sub, Quiznos

Brandito – A brand that waits for another brand to pave the way, only to steak its thunder by doing the exact same thing. See also: The cereal aisle

Brandstanding – The holding of wholly inappropriate or unrelated promotional events such as extreme cheese cycling (BrieMX) or a rock concert for an energy drink (GatorAid).

Brandom – A brand that appears out of nowhere, makes no sense, and becomes quickly irrelevant.

Contrabrand – A brand so malformed and ill-conceived, it should be illegal. Sherwin Williams

Masterbranding – An activity reserved for the privacy of an agency’s washroom stalls.

Brandelions – Garish brands that appear where they are neither welcome nor relevant.

Husbrandry – A parent brand that forces its name upon its sub-brand children, however stupid they may sound. As illustrated by Nestle, Nescafe, Nestea and Nesquick


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